Welcome to my blog! Most of you know me and have read my blogs since day one. But much has happened since we last talked. I stopped blogging and have been doing research, and more research. Well my findings have turned out to be useless. I have D.I.D., (Dissociative identity disorder or Multiple Personality Disorder), but not everyone has the same situation. So every new step I take has been shakey at best. I had many tears and heart breaking realities. Mostly I was afraid I was heading to the insane asylum. I thought my life was over and I wanted to hide, drive away, or get lost. After a year I still don't believe it. I did record a session with my psychologist and it made me cry so hard. You can't really argue with a tape of you talking, but know that it isn't you at all. Wanting so bad to toss it aside and stop the tom foolery. Waiting for someone to say, "Ha Ha Ha, this is a big joke". That has yet to happen. But I still pray that it does one of these days. For years I have had problems with losing time. No matter what I did, somehow I would come out fine. I would black out and then find myself shopping at the D.I.. This problem has turned my world upside down. I will never be the same again. Nothing will make it go away, I wish something would. I have been doing my best to cope with this strange disorder. This entire time I have been trying to figure out my life since the news of D.I.D.
"Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder is an extremely rare mental disorder characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person's behavior, and is accompanied by memory impairment for important information not explained by ordinary forgetfulness." by Wikipedia
I'm writing about it cause I want my friends to know what is going on. I still trying to figure things out. The most important thing about this is I have alters. I don't know if you know what that is. But alters are different personalities taking over. I have 7 alters that are very different from each other. Here is the list and I will explain each of their personalities.
- Henry - Has been around since I was born I guess. Takes most of my memories and hides them from me. Watches over me and helps me to deal with the situation at hand. I had a stuffed dog and his name was Henry and we did everything together. I believe this is where he came from.
- Roxy - She was the 4 year old me. She was the one that took everything, the beatings from my dad, to verbal abuse to whatever crazy thing my father tried to do. For example, he was going to shoot me in the head, but I was lucky and removed the bullets earlier that day.
- Andy - She is somewhere in my life, I just don't know really when. She is bi-sexual and liked other girls.
- Harley - She is a fun soul, she always makes jokes and thinks she is so funny. She always showed up when I was sad and needed some humor. My husband says she is funny in her own way and can't help to just laugh at her for her hard work.
- Ella - She is has a British accent, this because I had surgery on my jaw. I had my jaw wired for 6 weeks. Well I spent 2 years on speech therapy to sound American again.
- Molly - Typical Mormon Wife/Mom. Did her best to keep the family together despite the strain of marriage.
- Sara - She is when I had separated from my husband. Her personality was along the lines of wanting to make men pay. She is very angry with men, and thinks they should get what they dished out.
- Charly - Just me! You should already know what my personality is. Well now you know what the big deal is
I'm encouraging people with D.I.D. to contact me. Having a good support system works, and can help you know that we are out here. I will try to write new posts everyday, so you have an idea what happens to someone with D.I.D
